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HATORADE, DAMNIT

We love Gatorade. I mean we really like the stuff – it’s great on its own, wonderful to mix with vodka for that fast energizing drunk and it’s wonderful for treating a hangover the next day. In fact, the only thing we don’t love about it is the price. Seriously, for some sugar, color, flavor and salt they charge an arm and a leg.

As chief engineer I set forth to figure out what was doing and I think I managed to reverse engineer a passable fauximile. Mix up a big batch for your next party and you’ll be glad you did the next morning.

You’ll note this recipe is in metric. That’s because the imperial system is dumb. DUMB AS HELL. Be smart; go metric.

TAKE THIS:

  • 150 grams sugar (a bit more than half a cup). I like turbinado/demerara/raw/what-have-you sugar.
  • 2 grams table salt (about half a teaspoon). This is your source of sodium ions, from sodium chloride.
  • 1 gram salt substitute (about a quarter teaspoon). This provides the other necessary ion, potassium.
  • 1 packet store-brand ripoff of Kool-Aid mix. The real stuff tastes… well, like the real stuff. Store brands don’t taste like that and the finished product will taste more like the stuff you’re trying to copy.

MIX TOGETHER WITH:

  • 2 liters of water. Tap, preferably.

Vary the sugar and table salt to taste.

Stay hydrated, my drunk friends.

2 Comments

  1. YOUR DUMB.

    (GO USA)

    Sunday, August 23, 2009 at 20:39:50 | Permalink
  2. Chicago Ted wrote:

    NUH UR DUM. GIT AN BRANE MORANS

    Monday, August 24, 2009 at 20:48:43 | Permalink